The Herald has a Dilemmas section in its newspaper every Monday. It’s designed to allow parents to seek peer and professional advice on issues regarding their children. Most of the dilemmas are moderately serious, and in the main, the professional advice is sound, although the peer advice from other parents can be quite extreme and laughable.

However, this week’s dilemma highlights an issue touched upon in another blog, and that is — what’s happening to parental responsibility?

I quote:

Our only child is 17 and is in her last year at school. Last week she suddenly announced she has decided to "take her gap year", as though this is her entitlement by right. She says all her pals are doing it. I didn’t have one when I was that age. Is it a good thing for a teenager? Should I be expected to pay for it?

I’ll put my views forward based on what happened to me. In contrast to most students, I spent my gap year, between school and university working in London for an IT department of an interior design company. The work was fairly badly rewarded financially, and the hours were long. However, I met loads of interesting people and learnt a lot about how to treat new people who came from different backgrounds. There was also plenty of socialising, including a phenomenal Christmas party in Pimlico.

Before I took the year off, I’d discussed with my parents what I was going to do. Their main concern was that if I liked the work, would I still quit to go to university, or would I abandon my plans and carry on working.

My friend Jon, who I’ve now last touch with, took a different approach. He went to university, got his degree and then spent a few years gaining accounting qualifications. He then quit his job, and spent a year or so travelling around the world – which of course is major intent of people who have ‘gap’ years. Correspondingly there was no financial constraint, and he was sufficiently mature enough to handle the journey on his own.

So, in answer to the questions posed in this dilemma: Yes, it’s a good idea, and No, parents shouldn’t be expected to pay.

But that’s not the problem I have with this dilemma. The problem I have is that this, and some other dilemmas seem to indicate that many parents have no idea how to treat or relate to their children. If I was in this position, I’d discuss the purpose of the gap year (and it’s not just about having a laugh with mates, which seems to be the implication), and reach an agreement about how it was to be funded. Frequently, people fund their journeys by taking short term employment at certain places throughout their trip. So parental funding could be restricted to the initial leg of the journey. The hidden concern about letting an only child out into the wide world is noted.

Has it really come to this though: that parents cannot openly discuss issues with their children any more? What about friends, family, next door neighbours? Do people trust the advice of strangers more than their own kith and kin? This is parenting by proxy, and it’s shocking.