Ah! So that’s why they are two films. Kill Bill, Volume 1 was all about the art of cinema. A spectacular that kept hitting you over the head with kung-fu action, extraordinary levels of violence and the “can do” mentality of Tarentino’s direction. I love that film. Kill Bill, Volume 2 is so very different. Because this time, we have a story.

Seemingly picking up from the end of Volume 1, The Bride still has three people to dispose of, but the film doesn’t dwell on this too much. However, whereas the first film might have dived straight into the action, in Volume 2 we need the story to fill in the need for revenge. Without the story, there is no point to either of the films.

One of Tarantino’s trademarks is the use of characterisation. There isn’t much chance to build characters in Volume 1, except for O-Ren Ishii. Volume 2 is different. All of the characters are given time to develop: the history of The Bride, the rational yet twisted mind of David Carradine’s Bill (his sandwich making scene near the end of the film is captivating), Bill’s current squeeze Elle Driver (Daryl Hannah) and Bill’s washed-up brother Budd (Michael Madsen), who works on an occassional (and then less-occassional) basis at a rather dubious strip joint. These are all people who kill or have killed. In this film you get behind their actions and start to find out who they are and how their views of killing are different.

Emotion. There in spades with Volume 1, although there is so much more in Volume 2. There are flashbacks to before the start of Volume 1, which are crucial to the understanding of The Bride and Bill’s motives. And, like the best westerns, the lows and highs of characters, people that come back from the dead (almost), build one’s empathy. Zipping forward to present day for example, the chapters that construct the death of Paula Schulze. (This, by the way, gives nothing away for those who’ve not seen the film.) The finale of that sequence had me crying buckets. It’s delicious, corny, yet strangely life affirming. Sheer beauty.

At the end of the film, we have the inevitable face-off between Bill and The Bride. Some reviewers have noted Tarantino’s original intent to complete it with a fight on the beach, but that the script was changed so that the film didn’t overrun. I’m not so sure. The ending as it is, preceeded by lengthy scenes of dialogue, is not what I expected. But it works because it’s almost mythical and magical. It’s also valid if you consider the characters and the stories. Separately, the final scene in the film is heartwarming and so lovely. Call me a softy.

So there we have it. A film which, whilst violent in parts, presents a real story, with real people. Q and U created the character of The Bride, and I for one am deeply grateful that Quentin and Uma have ended up with two films which are so damned perfect.

I get really irritated by one specific class of article in The Herald. They occur on Wednesdays and Saturdays. On Wednesday there’s the Scotland’s Homes section and on Saturday it’s the turn of Weekend Living to get my goat.

I’m okay with Scotland’s Homes, since it is primarily advertising material for houses to sell in the central and southern parts of Scotland. What annoys me are the articles which show Mr & Mrs Joe Bloggs in their lovely house, with accompanying photos and story about the house; what they’ve done with it and the fact it is now on sale for oodles more money than what they had to pay to buy it originally. I don’t mind this per se, but I can’t stand the fact that it’s essentially Hello style journalism masquerading as an advertisement for a house. More to the point, what is the reasoning for appearing in said magazine? The point is, whether the people realise it or not, is to flash their bling in front of the readers. For goodness sake, why can’t they just keep it to themselves? And, if they’re having trouble selling their property (which would be the only rational excuse for going to a national newspaper), why don’t they try other estate agents?

Saturday’s section Weekend Living is more of the same, but includes other lifestyle aspects. Wanna buy a pouffe? Today’s the time to find out how? Hint: buy one from a shop.

Last Saturday had an article on how to choose a bed. Really. Apparently, according to Weekend Living, one shouldn’t select a bed just on Style. Although The Herald appears to believe – according to the headline for the article – that this is the first thing people consider. Sorry guys, I don’t. A bed is for, generally speaking, sleeping in. Not for gazing at the headboard or lovingly caressing its base.

When I bought my bed I knew exactly what I wanted. A nice comfy one, with drawers in. Oh no? A horribly unfashionable double mattress divan bed. Not very seductive is it? Nope. But I don’t do seductive. I do charm (according to my mentor at my first full-time job), but I don’t do seductive. So I went to a shop and found a bed and tried it out. No headboard included. I had to buy that separately. Naturally, the whole package is nice and comfy. It’s the only bed I’ve ever slept in where I feel as if I’m part of the bed, and the bed is part of me. If you’ve read The Third Policeman (and if not, you really should) you’ll know what I mean. Except it’s not a bicycle. Nor did I need to read Weekend Living to find out how to buy it.

I understand the entertainment and educational value of some television programmes centred on house buying and improvement. However, with a few exceptions I usually steer clear of them. Whilst I was having lunch a couple of days ago, I browsed through my TV channels and fell over a programme on ITV helping people to move house, or rather more correctly, advising people how to move house. I admit I didn’t watch it. I found the premise of the programme so laughable that I watched something else instead.

Now, I’ve only moved house a few times, but with one exception they’ve been a couple of hundred miles apart. My first big move was from England to the Netherlands. I had a three week period in which to arrange everything for the move. I had no chance to do any formal preparation as it was a very quick move for work purposes. One of those weeks was spent in Maastricht, working and spending some spare time looking for a place to rent, getting a bank account etc. The other two weeks were spent back in England arranging the move.

My second big move was from England to where I am now, Inverness, Scotland. This time I had three months to prepare. I spent a couple of days in Inverness looking for a place to rent, which was a little hairy. However, I eventually moved out on a Friday, flew to Inverness on the Saturday, moved into my house on Sunday and started work on the Monday. A fairly dramatic move to make in three days. Oh, and during that time I arranged for my house in England to be redecorated and rented out.

So for all those people who feel the need to watch television programmes advising people how to move house here are some tips:

• Work out what you need to do before you move out, while you are moving, before you move in, when you move in, and what you need to do after you move it. Look at it from two viewpoints: the place you’re leaving and the place you’re moving to. Think about everything in your life.
• Make a list of all these tasks.
• Schedule the dependencies between these tasks.
• Identify when to perform each of those tasks, and determine any other tasks that arise whilst you’re considering them.
• Carry out the tasks in accordance with the tasks and the dependencies.
• Review the tasks a couple of times a day.

Both of my moves were managed on one sheet of paper. It’s not rocket science. You just need to plan and think about it a bit. You certainly don’t need a television programme to tell you this.

Some music retailers and managers are a bit miffed that music is being given away free with newspapers. If you live in the UK you will typically see single or double CDs containing well known current ‘hits’ or ‘classics’ from earlier years packaged into some form of ‘collection’. The record companies do of course get paid for the songs that are published, but the retailers and managers complain that this makes fans less likely to buy established artist’s albums. They also complain that this gives the impression that ‘music is cheap and disposable’.

That’s because the majority of mainstream music is cheap and disposable. Dummies. It’s designed that way.

Readers will also note that the record companies are not complaining – after all, they get paid for the music, and it’s a cheap way of reminding people that certain artists are still out and about, or that their music is available for purchase. It is merely another marketing device. Those that are annoyed by the practice are ultimately trying to protect their ‘patch’. Be it the act of selling music, or the act of managing artists. If the artists decline, or retailers end up with less custom, then they lose out.

Ultimately it’s all about the need to manage musicians and to treat musicians with respect. And to treat music as a proper career, rather than the ‘cheap and disposable’ entity that it has become in the eyes of the majority of the public – intentionally or not. I’ve previously written about more democratic ways that the music industry can behave, largely through the artist taking the lead in their career. Trouble is, that still leaves the music managers and retailers out of pocket. Bless ‘em.

So my main Apple Macintosh has been up and running for 39 consecutive days and now Apple release an upgrade to MacOS X and Java both of which require me to restart my computer. Life’s not fair. The last time my Mac had to restart was when we had a power failure. Does that count? Or can I add the previous uptime to the 39 days? Our offices are going to get UPS devices installed soon so that I can keep my uptime going through power failures


[Scooter:~] chris% uptime
12:42 up 39 days, 18:22, 2 users, load averages: 1.25 0.83 0.92
[Scooter:~] chris%


However, it’s not like I’m boasting Macs over PCs. I have a PC running Windows XP Home Edition which despite its funnies and slowdowns at times, keeps running quite happily for weeks at a time. Mind you, as soon as you install something peculiar on it all hell breaks loose and you then spend an hour or so weeding out the culprits to get it working again. Then there are the bizarre restarts when you install a software package. One rarely gets that with Macs nowadays.