I get really irritated by one specific class of article in The Herald. They occur on Wednesdays and Saturdays. On Wednesday there’s the Scotland’s Homes section and on Saturday it’s the turn of Weekend Living to get my goat.

I’m okay with Scotland’s Homes, since it is primarily advertising material for houses to sell in the central and southern parts of Scotland. What annoys me are the articles which show Mr & Mrs Joe Bloggs in their lovely house, with accompanying photos and story about the house; what they’ve done with it and the fact it is now on sale for oodles more money than what they had to pay to buy it originally. I don’t mind this per se, but I can’t stand the fact that it’s essentially Hello style journalism masquerading as an advertisement for a house. More to the point, what is the reasoning for appearing in said magazine? The point is, whether the people realise it or not, is to flash their bling in front of the readers. For goodness sake, why can’t they just keep it to themselves? And, if they’re having trouble selling their property (which would be the only rational excuse for going to a national newspaper), why don’t they try other estate agents?

Saturday’s section Weekend Living is more of the same, but includes other lifestyle aspects. Wanna buy a pouffe? Today’s the time to find out how? Hint: buy one from a shop.

Last Saturday had an article on how to choose a bed. Really. Apparently, according to Weekend Living, one shouldn’t select a bed just on Style. Although The Herald appears to believe – according to the headline for the article – that this is the first thing people consider. Sorry guys, I don’t. A bed is for, generally speaking, sleeping in. Not for gazing at the headboard or lovingly caressing its base.

When I bought my bed I knew exactly what I wanted. A nice comfy one, with drawers in. Oh no? A horribly unfashionable double mattress divan bed. Not very seductive is it? Nope. But I don’t do seductive. I do charm (according to my mentor at my first full-time job), but I don’t do seductive. So I went to a shop and found a bed and tried it out. No headboard included. I had to buy that separately. Naturally, the whole package is nice and comfy. It’s the only bed I’ve ever slept in where I feel as if I’m part of the bed, and the bed is part of me. If you’ve read The Third Policeman (and if not, you really should) you’ll know what I mean. Except it’s not a bicycle. Nor did I need to read Weekend Living to find out how to buy it.